I am one unmotivated writer. I just don't do it. I keep thinking I'll update, but I don't. This officially starts round three for this blog. Except, my blog is changing focus. I know that I don't want to write just to write. I've known that ever since I started writing. Even though I stated earlier that I wanted to write for me; its not true. I want to write for attention. Like always, I want the praise of man for the things that I do. I want someone to read my words and say that they liked them, that they inspired them, or that it made them laugh. Well, I don't need that. What I need is to find out how to glorify my God with whatever I do. A couple of weeks ago I read a verse in Colossians saying, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." Well I don't. God has made that very clear to me recently. I haven't been working for Christ in my job. I haven't been doing my best to the ability that He's given me. And I'm tired of being that way. So in everything I do I will do as working for the Lord and that includes this blog. So this blog has another purpose, to bring Glory to God. Now my problem is that I don't know how to do that. Any ideas? Well, here we go:
The song currently playing is one that sings through the 23rd Psalm, and I cannot listen to it without crying. I keep thinking of my Grandpa and how he is with God and it's such a beautiful thing, but goodness I miss that ornery old man. I mean, we had our differences, but there are so many things that I respected and loved him for. I loved his attention to detail and how even from his hospital bed he would notice the little things, like Justin being left handed while he worked on his phone. Or my two year-old Sunday school class, he would always ask about them. I respected him for the man that he was, for leading Sunday School and for being a deacon in that country church for years.
But honestly, I don't know... Everyone has told me that he's in Heaven but I was never brave enough to ask him myself. I don't think my mom or grandma are lying to me but I wish I knew for sure. And I never want to feel that again. There are other people in my life that God has been throwing into my mind to encourage them and help them find Him. I'm tired of hating people with my actions because I'm too timid in my spirit to talk to them. My best friend, my coach, a new colleague that I've only known for a short time and the other, my dear Aunt. I want them to know that I love them and that's why I care about their salvation.
It feels so good to write things out. To say things in print that I normally won't admit to myself in my own mind. So I guess writing is still something that I do for myself, but I want it to be more. Thoughts and reflections that will honor God and maybe somehow draw others to him. Because as I get closer to my God hopefully his light will shine a little brighter through me each day.
